It Is What It Is

When this song was released I must have been about 12. At that time, my only issues with the world was having too much homework and being told what to do. 12 years later this song sings to me differently.

So here we are again, at point A for which i left to go to point B in the first place. Like a cat chasing its own tail I am back to where I started -->Looserville. One might think that after being rejected countless times its easy to get used to it and over time you just ride the wave and hold your head up. Maybe it works for some people, somehow it never stuck in me. I can't avoid the questions I am asking in my head, I can't help feeling as if its my fault and that it's me and not you even when you told me, it was you and not me.

What can I possibly do to get your attention? I am not even sad, just really angry and disappointed. You knew that it wasn't going anywhere, yet you hid that and allowed me to go around thinking that there was a chance. When I finally corner you and make you tell me the truth all you can say to me is 'I'll be honest, I don't see this going anywhere' How do you expect me to react to that? Yet you insist, 'I just want you as my friend' Are you so incredibly selfish that you only think about what you would lose if I walked away?

I spent more money then I earn in a month to buy a ticket just to come see you and you tell me 'I'd still want you here as my friend?' I haven't felt this disappointed in myself for a long time. 6 months to be exact. For 6 months I was finally picking myself up. and now I am bulldozed to the ground once again. When I tell you what this does to me, you tell me 'It happens to everyone'

Honestly do I look like I could care less about 'everyone' right now? I know it takes two to tango and this is as much as my fault as it could be yours, and trust me I am punishing myself enough with the ugly thoughts that are circling my mind. But I will tell you this, don't flatter yourself for thinking you've got to me, and that you've made me crumble and fall to pieces. I ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY hate you right now, but you want a friend so badly you got it. I will be your friend but only because I have to